


I'm Gonna Give All My Secrets Away

by Welsh_Woman



Series: January Jaunts [15]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Dark, Depressed Derek Hale, Pre-Canon, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28829124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Welsh_Woman/pseuds/Welsh_Woman
Summary: For the prompt 'journal'
Series: January Jaunts [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2090610
Kudos: 8





	I'm Gonna Give All My Secrets Away

It had started as a lark, some English assignment or the like. He had laughed at it, done the required pages needed for each day, and promptly forgot about it when the due date was passed.

After the fire-

After everything that had happened, he found the old notebook the assignment was in and looked over everything that he had written, how naïve and _idiotic_ he was in those pages. He fights the urge to rip the whole thing to pieces, but instead just throws it across the room hard enough that the cracking of the spine would be audible to even human hearing.

It ends up wedged behind one of their beds and the wall, forgotten until he is cleaning up one day and then it is shoved into the dresser beside the bed.

He can’t tell you what makes him pull it out, one odd day in the middle of the year.

Maybe it was because he could feel himself floating, untethered now that the bonds that held him so grounded were _gone_ , tattered bits of wire that slice his skin and soul whenever he tugs on them too tightly.

There is only the barest strip holding him now, one that feel more like obligation than family.

Maybe it is that thought, the thought that tells him that he can’t make the last of his family go feral, that makes him pick up a pen and start writing again.

There isn’t really a rhyme or reason to his writings, they’re just _there_ : a musing on the lady that lives down the hall from them, a scribbled rant about the assholes that he has to deal with in his job, a tear stained lament about his mother’s birthday passing without the usual fanfare and love that the day used to be about.

(Dark, quickly removed pages of what it might be like to just... stop dragging his sister down with him.

Or how things might have been different if he just hadn’t been born, if it would really be that bad if his sister mourned their entire family, instead of being burdened with the living shell of one.)

He writes and writes and _writes_ when she leaves, trying to keep his mind off where she was going and what she felt.

Trying to keep his mind off the fact that she didn’t trust him enough to go with her, to have her back. To fight off the panic of the thoughts that she **_knows_** , she knows and is looking for a different Pack, to rid herself of the one that betrayed them...

His pen gouges a line through the notebook when he feels their bond snap, that final slice cutting through the muscles of his heart and leaving him bleeding, broken, howling at the moon with no thought of who can hear him or what they would do.

The notebook is thrown in the back of the Camaro, kicked down to the bottom of the seat and forgotten for a long time. Long enough for him to find her body, bury her, and then be blamed for her murder.

When he does find it again, it takes a long time before he writes down anything, so much happening, he isn’t sure where to start.

In the end, he just puts down five simple words, words that can’t even begin to describe what his life has been like, but he can’t think of any other way to put it.

 _ **I met my mate today**_.


End file.
